Me Me Me and the State of Virginia DMV

I am beginning to think it would be easier to regain Virgin status then it will be to gain Virginian status.
I was pulled over by the County Police again last night.....same cop as last time, in fact. He was more irate this time, however, not only did he make me put my cigarette out, his partner wouldn't allow Dan to open the passenger's door so he could put HIS cigarette out before he got yelled at, too.
The problem is this: My car is registered, licensed, and plated here in Virginia. My drivers license is from Indiana. Apparently that's illegal in Virginia. When I first moved here, I got pulled over for having out of state plates....no problem, right? I'll just get plates.....Easier said than done. First I had to get emissions tested...I flunked. Then I had to get a state inspection, and once again, I flunked. Then we had to pay hundreds of dollars in needless repairs to pass them both a second time....Which I did. So far, so good. Then I had to get an Arlington County sticker...which I did, only then we moved to Alexandria and I had to get an Alexandria sticker...which I also did. I fully expected to get a new drivers license at the same time I titled and plated the car, but the DMV had other ideas.
I failed the "prove who you are" part of the quiz. Apparently the only acceptable forms of ID are

1. A valid Virginia license
2. A birth certificate
3. A passport.

Did I have any of those things? Of course not.

Getting a birth certificate from the state of Illinois turned out to be one of the hardest things I've ever attempted. They don't take phone requests - they do allow you to request one on the Internet, but you have to pay for it by credit card. Not a problem, right? Wrong...because what they don't do is take someone else's credit card as payment. Unfortunately, I don't own a credit card. So, ok, no biggie...altho I wasted 4 weeks waiting for them to inform me of this little bit of information.....So now I try it by mail...only they don't take someone else's check, either.....so I have to open a checking account simply to write a $8.00 check to the State of Illinois. All this just to prove I am who I say I am, even tho I already have 150 other pieces of identification which say I am exactly who I say I am.

Very recently, after an eight week wait, I got the required documentation back from Illinois. Meanwhile, last night, I get pulled over AGAIN for having Virginia plates and an Indiana license. I mean, why is this guy running my plates every other week to begin with? Not once has he given me a ticket or even a warning for anything else. I'm not even sure that what I'm doing is illegal. My plates are valid, my sticker is valid, my driver's license is an Indiana one, granted, but it's unexpired and it's also valid.

Last time he pulled me over, I explained to him the wait for the birth certificate and he let me go with a warning. Last night when he pulled me over, he let me go, but he told me that the next time he sees me on the street he will write me "a bunch" of tickets. I'm not sure what FOR exactly....but I suppose he can think of something if he really wants to. Smoking in a private vehicle, maybe. Or mumbling...which is also something he accused me of at one point last night.

So this morning found me at the DMV with my documentation in hand. I brought everything I could think of with me. Drivers license, birth certificate, insurance policy, divorce decree, papers from Social Security, the condo documents, the title to my vehicle and a few stubs from unemployment with my address on them. I was loaded for bear this time.

And DAMN IT....they STILL won't issue me a driver's license.

Now that I can prove I am who I say I am, I can't prove (to their satisfaction, anyhow) that I live where I say I live. Seems the ONLY proofs of residency they accept are the things I don't possess. Like a

1. Lease agreement or a mortgage payment book (Dan's house, Dan's name, Dan's generosity. I just live here as irresponsibly and as freely as a lark)
2. A utility bill with my name on it (see above explanation)
3. A voters registration card (which you can only get if you have a Virginia driver's license first)
4. A payroll stub with my address on it (God help the unemployed such as myself)
5. A cancelled check (my bank doesn't DO cancelled checks)
6. A Virginia drivers license (here we go again)
7. An auto insurance BILL (the policy I that I had with me is not considered good enough)
8. A current homeowners insurance policy (ok, here they we'll take the policy, but there, on the auto insurance part they won't - go figure that one out coz I can't)
9. Current school records. (Duh....)

I DON'T GO TO SCHOOL --- I DON'T OWN A HOME --- I DON'T HAVE A JOB -- I DON'T PAY UTILITIES. Apparently, all of this means one thing: I don't EXIST....at least not so far as the State of Virginia will recognize.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I made the woman supervisor at the DMV write me a damn letter to give the damn cop when he pulls me over again tonight.....

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